Screaming Children
December 11th – December 17th, 2005
Continuing with the saga of Esau and Jacob, it says in the Zohar this week that as Esau approached Jacob to kill him (for stealing his birthright blessing), something in his soul compelled him to kiss Jacob instead.
The lesson the Zohar wants us to learn is that when we let go of judgment, we create an opening for love and Light to enter.
I remember one time in High School I was having trouble with a student in my grade. Everything this kid did got under my skin, and I walked around for weeks filled with judgment against him. I asked my father and teacher about this, and he told me something I’ve never forgotten: “When we bring judgment to others, we bring judgment upon ourselves.”
What the Rav taught me was that, if for nothing else, I needed to refrain from judging this boy because I was only going to hurt myself.
Of course, we spoke at great length about why the judgment was there in the first place, and there were many lessons that came up which I’ve shared with you in Tune-Ups in the past. One of them is that we are each mirrors for one another.
When we’re annoyed at another person’s trait or behavior, we’re really annoyed at them for showing us a part of ourselves that we’d rather not face. The truth is, most likely we’re too scared to face it.
Our judgment against others is really a judgment against ourselves.
A key teaching of the kabbalists is we must recognize the spark of Light within others. But before we can embrace the Light in others, we must first embrace our own Light. The only way to embrace our Light is to remove the pain that covers it. It means letting go of judging ourselves. It means allowing ourselves to listen to our painful feelings. And it means being gently self-accepting of what we hear.
When people begin to practice Kabbalah, certain pitfalls always show up. One of them involves confusing restriction with suppression. While it is important to practice restriction of our reactions and to allow room for the Light to enter the picture, it’s also essential that we allow for the expression of our deep emotions.
Suppression is stuffing our emotions somewhere far away and out of reach. It is a form of judgment because we are not giving ourselves the human dignity to allow for the honest expression of who we are. At first glance these responses may look the same, but in the long run they are anything but.
Chances are if you are like me, you are oftentimes impatient with yourself. When you get depressed or afraid or angry, you think, “I shouldn’t be feeling this way.” Yes, your goal is to stop being a slave to your feelings. But at the same time, the Zohar teaches that your feelings carry messages for you.
Only by patiently sitting with your painful feelings and listening to them can you hear what they’re trying to say. Think of them as screaming children. Why do kids scream and throw tantrums? Because they want to be heard. And after giving them a few minutes of your patience and undivided attention, more often than not they quiet down and go along their merry way.
Take time to meditate this week. Find a safe, quiet place where you can sit quietly and listen. What pain have you been suppressing? It’s time to let it come to the surface - and to love yourself for it. Don’t forget, you didn’t make you, the Light did. I think the Light knows what it’s doing.
All the Best,
Yehuda